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Confession: Hi I’m Vicci, no I’m not an addict, I have a rare incurable autoimmune disease, called Systemic Lupus Erythematosus; usually I’m ok with it but some days it gets me down. It makes a lot of things wrong with my body, and with inside my head. It affects a lot of things and causes me a lot of pain. Sometimes keeping up with them all gets too much. I don’t tell people that I’m in pain because they can’t help me, this is just my life now. I don’t remember what living without feeling pain feels like, I don’t have days like that anymore. That may sound sad but that’s what happens, that’s what I’m used to now. There’s no point explaining how I’m always in pain, how I feel, about my illness etc. Before I had it I’d never have understood. And even with it I still don’t understand.
The number of people who look at me at say how can you be in pain you look fine? Or you’re looking a lot better today! When was the last time you knew what someone looked like being in pain from their body attacking itself huh?

I’m not doing this so people feel sorry for me or pity me. I get your sympathy, but you also need to understand that whether I tell people I’m in pain or not, I still am. And usually I say nothing because it’s easier for people to either not know I feel like this or to forget that I do. I just want you to be more aware of invisible illnesses, because people don’t all walk around showing or saying they’re in pain. It doesn’t mean they aren’t, it means they’re trying to be strong for the people they care about.

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You don’t get it. I don’t not sleep because I deliberately keep myself awake by stupidly watching tv for hours on end. I cannot sleep because I am either in pain, because I haven’t taken my painkillers to knock me out or because of my insomnia. Not because I choose not to. You won’t get it. And me explaining all the ins and outs of my disease won’t suddenly make you understand.

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Having the sinking realisation that I will never in my life feel weightless. I always sing that song and say I wanna feel weightless. But I never will, will I. That’s kinda sad.

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This time you know it’s not worth it. It won’t work you know it won’t. So say that. Make it clear it won’t work. Just because this does doesn’t mean anything more will. It probably won’t. Hate to break it to you but you need to be sensible right now. Don’t make the same mistake twice you’re still hurting from the first time you made it. Capiche?!

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He wasn’t right for me. He wasn’t good for me. I thought he would be, I thought he was but he wasn’t. But feelings defy all logic. And I still miss him.

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blueboxtraveller:

In case you’re in need of motivation, have some from the Doctor.

You can do it!

(via son-of-an-assbutt)

Source: blueboxtraveller
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Okay the best smelling candles are without doubt violet, vanilla, coconut and red berries. Not all together. All separately. But mannnn.

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